Light On Dark Water

Hoss, Twinkle, and Strange

Primary elections are being held in Alabama today. I voted for people with the above names: Huey "Hoss" Mack for Baldwin County Sheriff, Twinkle Cavanaugh for Alabama Public Service Commissioner, and Luther Strange for Alabama Attorney General. The funny thing about "Hoss" Mack is that he looks like an accountant. (Non-U.S. or maybe non-Southern readers: "Hoss," a mispronunciation of "horse," is a term of admiration for a big tough guy–but then if you ever watched Bonanza you probably knew that).

I did not, however, vote for the guy with the hat and the horse and the gun. He actually had some interesting proposals but he has no experience and showed some signs, in addition to his commercials, of possibly being a bit nutty.

My wife and I had a long argument over whether or not it would be insane to vote for someone named Twinkle. She was going to vote for someone named Chip instead. 

It tells you a lot about Alabama that every one of these people claim to be conservative and dedicated to saving us from the liberals. It makes me want to vote for a Democrat (which actually I may do in the governor's race this fall–more about that later).

If I ever decide to run for office, I'm planning to call myself Mac "Truck" Horton. And use somebody else's picture in my advertising. Or maybe just a picture of a truck.

Maclin Horton

28 responses to “Hoss, Twinkle, and Strange”

  1. Janet

    We don’t have anybody that interesting. The best we can do is Washer, Baddley and Pang, who are Republicans who are trying to defeat the Democrat who somehow made it into office last time around.
    AMDG

    Reply
  2. Mac

    Sounds English. Almost Python-esque.

    Reply
  3. antiaphrodite

    You already have my vote, Sir!

    Reply
  4. Mac

    Speaking of politicians, I just read that Al & Tipper Gore are splitting up after 40 years. I don’t care much for them as public figures but that’s sad.

    Reply
  5. Mac

    Thank you, anti. In return, I pledge to annex the Philippines into Alabama. Because we need more beaches and you need more people named Hoss.

    Reply
  6. Janet

    Who doesn’t?
    AMDG

    Reply
  7. Anne-Marie

    In the Republican primary (an exercise in futility in Maryland) one of the candidates is named Collins Bailey. Perhaps he could form a ticket with Young Boozer.

    Reply
  8. Mac

    I knew I was leaving out somebody: I voted for Young Boozer, too. YB is not running for an office that pairs him with anyone else, but I’m sure he’d be happy to have a Collins Bailey on his campaign staff for the general election if he wins the primary.

    Reply
  9. Janet

    Hoss, Twinkle and Strange reminds me of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.
    AMDG

    Reply
  10. antiaphrodite

    “In return, I pledge to annex the Philippines into Alabama.”
    I have achieved!! Something!!

    Reply
  11. Robert Gotcher

    Of course, when I lived in Minnesota we had Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

    Reply
  12. Mac

    Yes, I was kind of glad to see Minnesota doing that. I get tired of the rest of the country laughing at our goofy politics. Although the laughter is preferable to the hatred and contempt. Some New York Times columnist wrote about the Drew Petersen ad, and the comments were full of vitriol about Alabama and the South in general.

    Reply
  13. Louise

    Nobody, but nobody, should ever elect anyone by the names of Hoss, Twinkle or Strange.
    And that’s all I’ll say about that.

    Reply
  14. Louise

    If you cannot find candidates with more sensible names, Maclin, Tasmania might be forced to annex Alabama (and hence, The Philippines). I will see to it as soon as I am elected Queen.

    Reply
  15. Mac

    I’m sorry, Louise, but we in Alabama are very religious and cannot consent to be a part of Tasmania, home of the Devil: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasmanian_Devil_(Looney_Tunes)
    This actually is all we know about Tasmania, I mean except for those who read this blog and know you live there, and wonder how you manage to survive in spite of the Devils.

    Reply
  16. Dave

    🙂

    Reply
  17. Louise

    We are killing off the Devils with a deadly facial tumour, as it happens (true story).
    Well, I say “we” but no-one knows how it’s happened of course. They are quite endangered now, I think.
    I have never seen one in the wild – only in captivity.

    Reply
  18. Louise

    Actually, Maclin, if we forcibly annex you, I don’t see what consent has to do with it!

    Reply
  19. Louise

    Not that I have any idea how we’d do it, since there are only 500,000 of us.

    Reply
  20. Mac

    I was going to assume, for Tasmania’s sake, that “forced to annex” did not mean “forcibly annex.” We don’t have an army but we have some mighty mean rednecks. 🙂

    Reply
  21. Janet

    And a football team.
    AMDG

    Reply
  22. Mac

    Thank you for not making that plural. I will assume you meant the right team.

    Reply
  23. Janet

    Oh, of course! You’ll be surprised to know that that did cross my mind.
    AMDG

    Reply
  24. Janet

    Of course. You’ll be surprised to learn that that actually occurred to me.
    I wrote this before, but it seems to have disappeared. Maybe it will show up twice.
    AMDG

    Reply
  25. Mac

    Something weird is going on with the comments. I get an email when someone posts a comment, and I got one for your earlier attempts, but the comments haven’t shown up here. It’s almost as if…I hate to even think this…the Haloscan people have taken over. [shudder]

    Reply
  26. Louise

    Rednecks and a football team. Yeah, I think we’ll cancel the annexation…

    Reply
  27. Emily J

    Was driving through Alabama last week and heard the ads for Young Boozer. The rest of our drive to the upper Midwest was periodically punctuated by calls to vote for Young Boozer from the back seat. Was he elected?

    Reply
  28. Mac

    He won the Republican primary, which probably makes him the favorite to win the general election (in the fall), although I don’t know anything about his opponent.

    Reply

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